Portal Into You
by UnboundWings
Summary: A Kakashi and Iruka short story collection. Other slightly small stuff. Contains small Yaoi scenes. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
1. Small Introduction

**A/N:** Well here I am. Again. Starting another fanfiction. (though this is more like small one shots i.e. spots, get it? ) When I have yet to finish my others. They are in progress, no I will never give them up, but while watching the Naruto episodes I became fully engrossed and absolutely had to do SOMETHING. I held off on a narusasu for the moment so I can let my friend finish hers and she won't feel bad cuz mine might be better. And so…..here we go again!

**Dedication:** To all those people, mainly Devon, who said I wasn't a real Anime fan if I hadn't watched Naruto, and everyone who said I would be hooked after one episode. You were_** all**_ right!

**Disclaimer:** Everyone belongs to Yoshimoto (that is how you spell the name, yes?)

Ramen belongs to whoever made it.

Milky Way, Nerds, and Folgers belong respectively to their respectful owners.

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Sleep Grading

Iruka daily takes some time to sit down at his desk and grade the masses of papers he obtains from his students. Most of the time, he ends up falling asleep at his desk sometime around 1:00 a.m. He then wakes to the sound of his alarm clock and realizes that he still has more papers to grade. So the students patiently wait another week for their tests to come back.

The past few weeks, Iruka has been waking up to find the papers he left unmarked, completely done and stacked neatly, by class. He was quite sure sleep grading wasn't a technique he possessed, but he considered seeking psychiatric help soon if this continued.

Finally, he decided he would have to stay awake all night to make sure he wasn't going crazy. A trip to the store gave him multiple boxes of Nerds and Milky Way bars and an industrial size can of Folgers coffee. Halfway through Konohamaru's essay on how to perform a sexy technique, he could no longer sit still. Jumping up he skipped out the door to go grab a bowl of ramen.

Upon his return, he walked right into Kakashi, who was beginning to walk out the door with a stack of papers in his hand, resulting in ramen, papers, and ninjas flying everywhere. Iruka looked at Kakashi and said, "Now you messed up all my paper stacks. It'll take hours to sort them out again." His complaints nonwithstanding, the papers flew everywhere as they rolled around glued together, each trying to maintain the topmost position.

Anime Ideas

Kakashi was running late for his team meeting again, when he spotted a flyer for an anime convention. Interested he swapped course and made his way to Iruka's house. Iruka was contemplating the three foot stack of papers in front of him, but brightened up immediately when Kakashi walked in the door. Kakashi wordlessly held up the paper and smiled a big wide smile.

Iruka looked worried. "But who would we go as?" Kakashi smiled, "Naruto and Sasuke!" I'll be Sasuke.' He slicked his hair back, narrowed his eyes, and said "You're annoying." Iruka raised an eyebrow. "So I would go like this? Sexy no jitsu!"

Team seven was furiously angry with Kakashi for being over four hours late. Which was probably a record, even in his book.

Iruka's Schedule

**Monday:** Iruka has some three foot stacks of papers to grade by Friday. Kakashi is bored. Team seven again suffers from the lateness of their Jounin.

**Tuesday:** Iruka has multiple four and a half foot stacks of mixed up papers to grade by Friday. Kakashi misses him. Team seven scours the city, but never finds their sensei.

**Wednesday:** Iruka has multiplying six and three quarter feet stacks of papers to grade by Friday. Kakashi has off duty. Sasuke and Sakura ponder where their sensei goes to make him so late. Naruto has ramen.

**Thursday:** Iruka's bedroom has been eaten by papers that have to be graded by Friday. Kakashi catches Naruto and Sasuke kissing under the bridge, then goes to see someone. Sakura is depressed because she had to complete the mission on her own.

**Friday:** The students all get A+s, and Kakashi and Iruka are spotted in a tree outside of town. Naruto gets lost in the woods trying to find Iruka-sensei. Sakura traps Sasuke in a cage in her house.


	2. The Gambling Begins!

**A/N:** Am I devoting more time to this than to the others? Why yes I am. Why would that be? Because I am suffering from homework stress AND writers block. At the SAME TIME. Aww poor baby, you have it so hard. sniff I do. They shouldn't yell at you, you do your best. WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Btw my other side says hi to you all.

Naruto Logic is lacking in some aspects, the reasons for Kakahi-sensei's ailment are rather weak, but I was having a hard time coming up with good reasons to match an acceptable problem. If you have a better suggestion, lemmie know. But Poker night makes up for it.

**Kakashi:** Why is it you and Iruka only address me as Kakashi-sensei?

**Me:** You're my elder. It's only proper.

**Kakashi:** raises eyebrow is that the only reason?

**Me: **Well……truthfully…starts having wonderful fantasy

**Iruka:** Ka….ka…shi….senseeeeeeiiiiiiiiiii!

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, not mine. But if they ever appear on Ebay I call dibs. DIBS!

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Naruto Logic.

Naruto was happily on his way to see Iruka-sensei and beg him for a bowl of ramen. Upon opening the door, He found Iruka sitting on his desk and Kakashi-sensei sitting on Iruka. Kakashi turned bright red and walked out past Naruto. Iruka was busy adjusting his pants that had somehow come undone.

"What was going on?" asked Naruto. Iruka blushed, "well I…umn…I…lost my belt! And Kakashi-kun found one and was…helping me to put it back on!" Naruto raised an eyebrow. Iruka turned redder. "Would you like some ramen?" Naruto suspiciously nodded yes. On the way, Naruto began thinking.

Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei were sitting on the desk. Their faces had been really close. Iruka-sensei's hands were really low on Kakashi-sensei's back. He didn't know where Kakashi-sensei's hands had been. And there was this warm feeling when you walked into the room….! Naruto smacked his fist into his palm. "I got it!" Iruka jumped and turned red again. "Y-you got what?"

"That's why Kakashi-sensei has been late the past few months!" Iruka blushed more. "Naruto that's not-" "And that's why you always put a hand on his back when you come by! And why he was lying in that tree on his back the other day and you were on top of him!" Iruka started shaking, "Naruto it's not what you thi-" "Kakashi-sensei has back problems!"

Iruka froze. "It's from him slouching all of the time!" He's always late because he can't move fast or his back will hurt." Naruto smiled. "You could have told me that!" Naruto walked away from the frozen Iruka and ordered two bowls of ramen.

Poker

All of the teachers decided to start a poker night. Asuma and Kurenai started the idea, and later convinced Kakashi to join. Gai joined because Kakashi did. Iruka joined because Anko threatened to dismember him if he didn't. Jiraiya bet Tsunade she'd lose so they both came.

Eventually, it became a regular event in their schedules. One night, Jiraiya finally convinced them to play strip poker. Tsunade was the first to be out, and naked. Anko, Iruka, and Asuma had all lost their shirts and pants. Kurenai was skirtless. Gai just had his **tighty-whities of youth** on. Only Kakashi and Jiraiya remained fully clad.

"You've been cheating! You used your Sharingan!" –Gai

"You have bad taste in underwear"-Kakashi

"Kick his ass Kakashi!" –Anko

"I'm cold" –Iruka

"Does this bra make my boobs look to big?" –Kurenai

"Oh, Tsunade….you look very nice!" -Jiraiya

"F# you teme" –Tsunade

"Kakashi! Pass me the next **card of destiny**!" –Gai

And so….

The night wore on, but Jiraiya only got as far as his undershirt, and Kakashi just had to take his jacket off. All three girls were out, and Kurenai and Asuma had disappeared into a room somewhere. Gai was proudly parading himself around the room. Only Kakashi, Iruka, and Jiraya remained.

"Full house" –Jiraiya

"Kill him Kakashi!" –Anko

"Flush" –Kakashi

"Next time, I will beat you into the dust, because I am your **eternal rival**!" –Gai

Iruka had only a two pair, so both he and Jiraiya took off their next layers, which unfortunately for Iruka, was his undies. Kakashi forfeited and drug Iruka off to the room next door, where they found Asuma and Kurenai, finally. Then they proceeded to one after that where ultimately, Jiraiya was the only one left with clothes on that night.


	3. Lets Go Back, The Start of Things

**A/N:** Hey, whaddya know? It's my third one of these thingies! The second story is a tad longer than usual, but I think it's worth it in the end. As you might have noticed I tend to carry things from two or more chapter back, into my new stories. So if you don't get some of this then GO BACK AND READ IT FROM THE BEGINNING. .

Please

**Disclaimer:** Still waiting on that EBay bid, but until then they aren't mine

claps I now present….(drumroll)…SECTION 3!!

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Iruka's Week in Review

**Sunday:** Iruka's desk has been abducted by essays. Kakashi went mysteriously missing. Naruto finally found his way home, and wandered off to find Sasuke, who was also missing. Sakura said she had a cold and stayed home. Anko caught Ibiki peeping from behind her curtains again.

**Monday:** Papers have taken over Iruka's room, mainly mission reports he can't read. Kakashi remained missing, so Iruka went to mope to Anko who was unable to open her door due to the amount of tape, insulation, traps, and chairs she'd put up. Naruto ate ramen all day, and then decided to take a bowl to Sakura, who still wasn't feeling well. Upon entering the house he discovered a much famished and completely naked Sasuke locked in a cage in Sakura's room. Naruto was locked in a cage in Sakura's house.

**Tuesday:** Iruka obtained a paper organizer for his papers and his room was fairly clean. Not even five ANBU teams were able to locate Kakashi, so Iruka sat outside Anko's door and worried with her. Sakura came home to find Sasuke and Naruto having sex in the cage, and beat them both. Ibiki and Jiraiya talked about how sexually deprived they were, and decided to go to an onsen the next day.

**Wednesday:** Iruka found the paper organizer outside his window, mangled and riddled with bite marks. The whole town went on the search for Kakashi. He remained absent. Sakura came home with a video camera and asked Naruto and Sasuke to start kissing again. Iruka refused to go anywhere and was depressed for the day. Anko kept her door locked tight. Ibiki and Jiraiya go thrown out of the onsen. The debt collectors came looking for Tsunade.

**Thursday:** Kakashi was finally discovered inside of Sakura's house, locked in a cage, and was released along with Naruto and Sasuke. Their clothes were never found. Iruka wouldn't let go of Kakashi and almost decided to put a leash on him. Kakashi had no recollection of the past few days except for someone shouting Naruto's name. Tsunade was on the run all day from the debt collectors. Sakura posted the video footage on Youtube. Naruto and Sasuke went home and locked themselves in a cage that night.

**Friday:** Iruka's papers got out of order again when Kakashi came to visit. Sasuke was mobbed by fan girls all day that had seen CherryBlossom07's video. Naruto came to the rescue and he and Sasuke escaped to Iruka's house, where they found Kakashi receiving some psychiatric help from Iruka. Sasuke decided he needed help too, and they asked Iruka if they could spend the night. Anko left her room and got a gym membership to lose the 59lbs. she gained while hiding for a week. Jiraiya began work on a new novel called _Flaming Paradise_.

How KakaIru became KakaIru

Again.

He was doing it _again_.

For as long as Iruka had known him, or anyone had known him, Kakashi had worn that mask no matter where he went. Rain, snow, or wind it never came off. All he could divulge from team seven was that there were infinite masks under that one. So the Jounin had all devised a plan. Splitting up into teams of two, they decided to tail Kakashi until one of them saw him take the mask off. Unfortunately they had an odd amount of people, so Iruka had to go alone. Up until now, he had never really thought much of Kakashi-sensei, other than him having horrid handwriting.

As the weeks wore on, he thought he rather enjoyed getting these private looks into his life. (he knew he was the only one really paying any attention because all of the other teams were couples, or had yet to announce they were a couple) Iruka started to grow quite fond of Kakashi-sensei as time moved along. Before long, he was sure he liked him more than a friendly colleague. He might even love him. Either way, his feelings grew the more he watched him.

One warm summer night he decided to go to the hot spring, seeing as it wasn't his turn to watch Kakashi. Sitting there he listened to the chirruping of the crickets and the splashes of the girls next door. Relaxing all alone was quite nice. Upon hearing the door slide open his mood soured; he wanted to remain by himself. One could only imagine the surprise and joy on his face when it was Kakashi who walked through the door, mask still on, but forehead protector off. Looking at his scarred eye, he wondered how that came to be. The pictures of when he was a child didn't have the scar in them at all. (They had scoured hundreds trying to find one of him without the mask.) Kakashi finally noticed him and smiled gently. Iruka's heart melted.

"How are you Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka smiled back and flushed slightly.

"Surviving. Yourself?" Kakashi-sensei chuckled.

"Surviving." Kakashi-sensei sat himself next to Iruka. _Was he closer than could be?_

"We haven't talked in a while. How has Naruto been?" Kakashi-sensei chuckled again and spread his arms out on the rock behind them, which was also behind Iruka's shoulders.

"He's doing well, energetically well." said Kakashi-sensei with a grimace. Iruka laughed, then twisted his hands in his lap and looked the other way. _I can't look at him._ The conversation dropped for a while. Iruka sneaked a peak at Kakashi-sensei. He was laying back, face turned up to the stars, enjoying the peace and quiet. Iruka smiled and leaned back to enjoy it too. It might have been an accident that his shoulder brushed Kakashi-sensei's arm. They remained there for a while.

Then Iruka felt something brushing on his thigh. It was warm and smooth, and felt good on his leg. A little too good. It began to work its way up his thigh, and Iruka felt things he never thought would happen with _him_. Yet, the thing came closer and closer, making him all the more excited. He finally opened his eyes and looked down to see a green thing resting on his hip bone.

"EEEEYAAAAAAAAA!! A SNAKE!!!!!! IT'S A SNAKE IT'S A SNAKE!!!" Iruka flung his legs into the air slapping his thigh, and scootching away form the spot towards Kakashi until his back came to a stop against Kakashi's chest. Kakashi circled one arm around Iruka, the other held a kunai (where did he hide that?! XD) to defend them against whatever monster had assailed Iruka.

The green frog hopped away from them croaking in a laughing voice. Iruka breathed heavily as Kakashi-sensei lowered the knife and looked down at him, one eyebrow cocked. Iruka smiled nervously, "eheheheh….", then flushed and looked down out of shame. Where he looked happened to be right between Kakashi-sensei's legs, making him remember where he was. He scrambled out of his hold and placed himself a few feet away mumbling a sorry as he went. His back to Kakashi-sensei, Iruka decided to have a little sit down with himself.

_You idiot! A frog?!?! What could be worse?_

_You forgot where you were?! Please you've been watching him for months now, how could you forget?_

_**That was your chance!! You should have made your move then! The whole set up was perfect!!**_

_Apologize! He might avoid you afterward if you don't!_

_**He's right you know!**_

Iruka stood up and turned around to make his formal apology, only to find Kakashi-sensei gone, vanished like smoke.

_**IDIOT!**_

He hung his head. How would he ever tell Kakashi his feelings now? He resisted the urge to cry. Shinobi do not cry. Then something was resting on his hip bone, and it wasn't green. Another something came around him and anchored on his chest. Iruka turned slightly to see the spot of silvery hair on his shoulder.

"Kakashi-sens-" The hand on his chest jumped up to cover his lips.

"Just Kakashi"

"Kakashi..." Iruka turned around in his arms and nuzzled against his chest, those good feeling spilling all over again.

"You knew?"

"After seeing you tail me for over five months it was easy"

"And you…..you feel…"

"I love you. I have for quite some time now"

"I…love you too."

"Show me." Iruka unwrapped himself from Kakashi and reached up for his mask.

"I want what's under this mask."

Needless to say, the water boiled hotter than ever that night

3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3

However, both Iruka and Kakashi had completely forgotten that others were still following Kakashi that night. They happened to be Jiraiya and Gai-sensei. Jiraiya was happy to have found some new material for his upcoming book, and Gai now understood why Kakashi never had time anymore for their rivalry battles.

The next morning, Iruka was cornered.

"Nice job Chunnie!"

"We never thought to try a sexual approach!"

"Why didn't I think of that?!"

But the main question was,

"What was under the mask?!"

Iruka smiled and said, "Something more wonderful than you could ever know."

He walked away.

**A last A/N:** This was inspired by episode 102 where team seven tries to discover what is under the mask. What is truly there?? The world may never know!


	4. The Great Competition! Who Will Survive?

**A/N:** Ha, I did do something for my other fics. NOW WHAT?

The stand off competition will probably go on for a while, but the end result will be worth it.

Yes, Kakashi does have a sword. Why? Because I want him to.

And he is part of an ANBU team as a part-time job.

Kakashi: I miss my Iruka… (rattles chains and shackles forlornly)

**Disclaimer:** The world of _Naruto_ is not mine. The portal that transports me there, is.

Who Gives First? The Contest Begins!

Iruka had had a very long and tiring week. Each day he had gone to school, only to be teased about Kakashi ruthlessly by Anko. He then went to class to be tortured by his students. Finally he would come home from his day of mental abuse, to be physically abused by his lover.

On Friday, he came home to find Kakashi waiting naked on his bed with a bow around his waist. Iruka had had enough. He pointed on long finger at Kakashi.

"I slave all day, only to come home to more slavery, _with actual shackles_ (:O), from you! I can't stand it anymore!" Kakashi put Iruka's finger in his mouth and gently sucked. Iruka shivered but pulled his hand away.

"You're such a baby. You can't go one day without having some sort of sex. I'll bet you even had to sleep next to your mommy all night when you were a kid." His pride injured, Kakashi furiously rose from the bed, bow protruding proudly.

"I don't need to have fun every night to live. In fact, I'll bet I could last longer than you without sex!" Iruka snorted.

"You're on, Kakashi-sensei." They departed for the night.

For a whole week, Iruka was free from nightly terrors. His students were surprisingly well behaved, and Anko stopped talking to him altogether. It was turning out to be a nice relaxing week. Then Friday rolled around again. Fridays were always mission report days, and Anko had just dropped off her handful of messy reports, and he was dreading who would walk in next. The door opened. It was Kakashi. Oh, yes it _had_ to be Kakashi, the one who was the worst at writing. Iruka sighed mournfully and held out his hand.

Kakashi ignored his hand and walked around behind his desk to look over his shoulder.

"Bad day at work?" Iruka nodded sadly. Kakashi began to massage his shoulders.

"I did my reports neatly this time. It should help." Leaning down he kissed Iruka's neck and began to move up to nibble on his ear. Iruka felt Kakashi pushing into his back, even though he was still standing a good five inches away. He looked down at the desk, remembering all those times they'd messed around on duty before he'd gotten comfortable enough to let Kakashi in his house. Iruka smiled. He missed those times. The broom closet, the dark corners of the halls, the spider-man style bathroom surprise….

He came back to reality as he realized Kakashi was unzipping his jacket.

"Oh, no you don't! I won't be the first to cave!" Iruka stormed out of the room.

Iruka's Paper Monster

Three organizers sat outside of Iruka's house. All of them were mutilated in some form or fashion. Most had teeth marks on them. The papers had taken over his kitchen, his bathrooms, most of the living room, and the guest room. Only his bedroom remained untouched. So, He figured it was time to clean the house.

He gathered all the chakra he held in his body, and cried, "De-horrify no Jitsu!" The paper all started to fly to the center of the house, swirling around until the settled in neat tidy stacks. Iruka smiled a very smug smile.

Then the papers started to fly around again.

Three legs formed from the crumbled up balls of former students essays. A long thin body, and four arms came into being. Then a fat head with curly cues falling from the top emerged. Lastly, one eye in the middle of the face, and a very large mouth, dripping with black ink appeared.

His jaw dropped and he backed away from the monstrous thing. The ink dropped in hot puddles to the floor and it smiled looking at him. He hit the wall, and with no where else to go, the monster grabbed his ankle to take the first bite.

_Shunk!_ A metal object buried itself in the creature's forehead. Out of the shadows stepped, Kakashi! Kunai in one hand, katana in the other. He swung the sword at its head, only to have it duck past him and head back for Iruka.

"Foul beast! You will not have him!" The kunai flew into its back. Crippled, it dragged itself to Iruka. Iruka broke the glass case next to him which read **Break in Case Papers Attack Again** and pulled out a lighter. The paper monster cried out in fear as Iruka walked toward it, lighter out in front.

"Wait." Iruka stopped. "Maybe it just wants someone to be nice to it. You know you're always so sour with your papers." Iruka scowled at Kakashi, ink covered sword in one hand. Them he stopped to look at the poor pitiful thing on the ground. He bent down and offered a hand. It grabbed it tightly and shook it. Kakashi smiled approvingly. Iruka smiled back, then took a better look at his savior. The bloody sword was still clutched tightly, and he breathed heavily. His muscles were very prominent against the black ANBU suit. _Damn, he looks so hot.._ Iruka had to turn away.

Yet, hands reached form behind him to cross his chest. Lips touched his cheek with a warm breath attached.

"How about we go celebrate our victory?" Iruka let his mouth curl in a smirk.

"Nice try"

Breakfast the next morning was depressing with only the paper monster for company, who spilled ink in Iruka's cereal.

**A last A/N:** If you ask nicely, I might tell you what that spider-man style bathroom surprise was. _Might._


	5. The Struggle Ends!  The Winner Is?

**A/N:** After two weeks of firm groundation, I return to bring you the latest update in my little stories. I do believe I shall up the rating rather soon, because my friend PoisonandCinderella has been calling for something unfluffylike. And so, the smutty goodness shall ensue…

NEXT CHAPTER!!

Be patient dearies…

**Disclaimer:** NARUTO!!!!!!! Is not mine

**CAW:** Stands for**C**rane **Aw**ards. My way of saying thanks. I give two golden CAWs to CuriousDreamWeaver and DixieGoddess for reviewing. See cranes stand for luck and longevity (pronounced like long-jeh (like bleh)-vi-tee). Congratulations to you!

I bet no one will understand that.

Off and away!

Tensions Run High, And So Do Hormones. The Plan is Set in Motion!

Iruka sat puzzling things out in his study. The Paper Monster next to him was sorting his papers, and eating some of them too. He needed something. Or rather someone, but he stubbornly refused to be the first to give in. It had been a long three months. So, he needed a plan. A plan so evil, so diabolical, so sexually enticing that Kakashi would cave. He puzzled some more. _Perhaps……I should see what Sakura is up to…_

Kakashi and Gai were both leaping through the trees of the forest just outside Konoha's front gate. They were on their way to deliver a message to the new Kazekage. Gai was rambling on about some nonsense involving Genma and Raidou, while Kakashi tuned him out to muddle his way through his own thoughts. Iruka was turning out to be very good at this no sex game, and Kakashi was starting to feel sexually deprived in the worst way. If his little Chunnie didn't break soon the he feared….

"I mean I never expected Iruka to join the strip club."

"WHAT?!" _Thwack!_

Iruka looked to Sakura for encouragement. She nodded slightly. Blushing, he walked out onto the stage in his cowboy hat, boots and purple sparkling G-string. Sakura marched out behind him, whip in hand. The audience cheered heartily as the first crack of the whip sounded. Konoha's all male strip club was packed that night.

"Kakashi! KAKASHI!!!!" Kakashi opened his eyes slowly to find Gai's huge mouth poised over his, ready to give CPR. He smacked him up against the side of his head. "Kakashi! You're alright!"

"What happened?"

"While flying through the forest you were listening to me recount the **fortuitously grandeur**events of my week, and I revealed to you a truth so **shocking** that you saw fit to slam yourself into the nearest tree!" Kakashi sighed and put his head in his hands. "But do no worry my cool hip friend. I will not reveal your blunder to any other. Your secret will remain safe with me!" Kakashi smacked Gai again, then stood up to leave. "You should go see him; he looks really great on stage. He and Sakura do a very good partner act together."

Kakashi just laughed.

_I hope Sakura whips him so hard he won't sit for a week, like she did when I was stuck in her house. _

_A strip club huh?_

_That son of a bitch._

Iruka was unable to sit for a week after the first night, but hey, at least it paid well. Sakura had figured that they would have over $2,000 by the first three days if the audience kept up. But, oh the pain! Where did she learn that? (Lots of practice)

"Why hello, Iruka-sensei" Iruka slowly turned in his chair (his ass still hurt) to spot Kakashi waiting at his window. Iruka grimaced

"Why are you here?" he grumbled.

"Mission reports."

"Give them to the PM at the academy. He took over my night shift."

"Speaking of night shifts, what's this I hear about you working at the strip club?"

"It pays well." Kakashi snorted.

"I'm sure the hours of whipping are worth it." Iruka rubbed his sore bum.

"Well it's better than anything I've been getting lately; which is nothing."

"Now whose fault is that?"

"Yours" Kakashi grinned.

"Oh yeah, that's right." Iruka raised an eyebrow.

"Just how much pleasure do you get from torturing me like this?" Iruka jolted; Kakashi had disappeared. Fingers latched themselves to his bruised spots.

"Infinite" The fingers squeezed. Iruka cried out, in pain and pleasure. Kakashi picked him up out of the chair and carried him into the bedroom. Dumping him on the bed, Kakashi prepared himself to remind Iruka of why his life was so happy now, but when he leaned over him, Iruka disappeared. In his place was a piece of wood.

"You're getting better, but no bananas for you." Kakashi glared at the real Iruka in the doorway. Iruka smiled innocently back.

A Simple Outing. Jiraiya Goes To Far.

Kakashi and Iruka were off to see a movie. Just because their relationship had no sex didn't mean they had no contact. The movie theater was playing Jiraiya's new book turned into a movie, _Flaming Paradise_. Both men were wondering what they could do to provoke the other into giving up, for they were both tiring of this game. Kakashi bought the hot dogs, but Iruka could only afford one chocolate covered banana. So it seemed they would have to share.

They munched their way through the teats as the previews rolled. Then the feature presentation began.

_It all started in a hot spring……where the flames of love began anew._

The title smacked up on screen and "Gay Bar" started playing. It faded away to reveal two young men, a pale, and skinny blonde with a tiny scar across his nose, and an olive complected black-haired one with a forehead protector draped across the right eye.

Kakashi and Iruka looked at the screen with squinted eyes. It looked like….

Then a green frog ambushed the blonde man and the black haired man dragged him down into the water. Iruka began choking on his banana.

_Their innocent times….sparked an even bigger passion._

More scenes flew past. The blonde's house covered in paperwork, a poker table with half naked figures, a school room hallway…

_Sadly, their relationship would be threatened…_

The black-haired man with a bow on his waist, a monster made of papers…

_But they would overcome it all…Inru and Kikisha._

A rescue, a very R rated scene following the rescue.

_Fin_

Kakashi and Iruka immediately left the theater and went to Jiraiya's house, who was, not surprisingly, watching the girls bathe next door. He turned at their approach, took one look at their faces, and began to run. They grabbed his collar and hauled him back for a very hard learned lesson.

As they relaxed in Kakashi's house later that night, Iruka mused aloud.

"Maybe that was a sign, a sign that we should give up this silly contest."

"I don't know. Should we?" emotionless. Iruka leaned over and kissed him softly.

"Definitely" They both rose simultaneously to go to the bedroom next door. Kakashi stopped Iruka in the doorway.

"You know what this means don't you?" he asked.

"What?" he said curiously.

"I win." He pulled the door closed.

**A last A/N:** After writing this I pondered that night if the PM's eating paper was considered cannibalism. Someone should let me know what you think.

I also wondered why that bedroom was right next to where Kakashi and Iruka were resting. Perhaps Kakashi remodeled it so there was a bedroom by every room in his house. Once again, I have no true idea.


	6. A Nice Day, The Climax Comes

**A/N: **Well, I have a goal for this small piece of what you might possibly label as smut. I will not say the words, "penis, member, erection, manhood, dick, length, shaft, etc." Nor will any names be directly used, as in Iruka did jksdhfkashd or Kakashi looked at him.

There's a real challenge.

And it makes me blush to write them. Cuz I have to picture what I write and…… . Having generic figures doesn't really help much but…

Man I really wanted a story that wasn't M rated.

**Disclaimer:** I think Kishimoto would murder me if it was known what I was doing with the characters.

**Kakashi:** But we enjoy it!

**Iruka:** Well you do, I'm still sore from the time when-

Ok! No more!

The Spider-Man Style Bathroom Surprise

"Run faster, run faster, run faster!" He bent his head down to gain more speed.

"Iruka-sensei! Come baaaaaack! I only want to ask you something about Kakashi-sensei's book!"

"I don't know anything Naruto! I swear!" He searched for a door, any door. There! The boys' bathroom! He flung himself at the door and tumbled onto the floor. Jumping up, he slammed the door closed and put an ear to it. There was a muffled sound.

"Iruka-senseiiiiiii! What's mast-" He jerked his ear away from the door. He stood there panting for a moment, trying to catch his breath. He spared a glance towards the mirror, to see a rather askew image desperately looking back. His brown hair was falling out of the tight ponytail he usually wore it in and there were dirt marks scattered on his face. He rubbed at a particularly large streak on his forehead. This proved to be futile as it only expanded the area the dirt covered. A sigh echoed around the tiled walls. He walked to the mirror and turned on the silvery faucet to let the hot water run out. Splashing it in his face, he managed to get most of the dirt off, but missed an unseeable spot on the back of his neck.

Only now did he spot the chair in the corner to the right of the sink. Collapsing in it he surveyed his surroundings. It wasn't bad, as bathrooms go. Three clean stalls stood next to the west wall. Left of them was the sink and chair. Left of the sink was the door, and the final wall only had some windows near the ceiling. There was a nice jasmine scent filling the air from the flowers on the sink's counter, and the light from the window fell on the mirror and flowers. He let a small smile creep on his lips, because he saw the note under the vase. _Don't Touch The Flowers! –Management_.

_Tap Tap Tap_. He jumped out of the chair. Then he wondered why the person didn't just come in. Looking at the door handle, he saw it was locked. _When did I do that?_ He gently tiptoed up to the door.

"Who is it?" he whispered.

"IRUKA-SENSEI!! FOUND YOU!" He scampered away from the door until he felt one of the stall doors at his back. The main door rattled for a while, until it suddenly stopped. He tensed immediately. There was a scuttling on the wall, and he jerked around. Nothing. A rustle by the windows and he looked up. Nothing. Then he felt something warm run down the back of his neck.

"You missed a spot."

"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" he whirled around to find, nothing!_ What?!_ A swatch of silvery hair came into view. A ninja hung from the ceiling by a rope. There was a mask on his pale face, and only one eye visible.

"I was trying to tell you, you missed a spot." He smiled, and the silver haired one smiled back. Then he reached up and took of the mask of his upside down ninja. Pressing his lips to the other's, he ran his fingers through the thick silver hair. The other indicated he would like down, and he obliged by yanking him off of the rope. They both did their best to make it to the chair, but missed only by five feet. He resumed by kissing the other's forehead, then eyelids, then lips again. The other was busy unzipping his vest. They struggled with their shirts, trying to remain touching, but managed to get them off. He felt the arousal coming from his partner, and didn't stop him when he began kissing his neck and chest. The other ran his tongue over his nipple softly.

"Bite a little." He responded, but harder than asked. He inhaled sharply, not expecting it. The other hands reached up to finish taking the hair out of the ponytail, letting the brown waves fall to his shoulders. He kissed his neck again, smelling jasmine in his lover's hair. He dragged him down to the floor, kissing down as they fell. He undid the zipper soon his pants as he was moaning under him.

"Kakas-" he cried out as his lover caressed him bringing that feeling of lust. His hands worked for another minute, pushing the tempo higher, until mouth replaced hands. The soft silver hair wrapped in his hands, he stroked his head, then twisted the hair in his hands and cried out again. His mouth had been busy. He yanked his head up to met with his lover's, so they could both taste him. The other slowly pried his lover's fist out of his hair. He smiled down at him.

"Not bad for our first time, huh?" The wavy brown hair nodded.

"Did you lock the door?"

"I didn't want you escaping."

Neither of the men noticed the blonde head that was poking through the window for the whole episode.

A Fight Amongst Lovers

Jealousy never brings good tidings. Especially not for knife-throwing, possessive, and all around irritable ninjas. So, when Kakashi caught Genma and Iruka indulging in a chat after school one day, he found himself narrowing his eyes at the two. When they reached him at the end of the hall, Iruka's face lit up and he darted foreword to kiss him hello, but then stopped at his expression.

"What's wrong Kakashi-sensei?" asked Genma. Kakashi put his arm around Iruka and dragged him at the door. Iruka was not happy. The next day he made sure to apologize to Genma first thing.

"I only wish I knew why he was so hostile to you. You haven't done anything to him." Genma laughed.

"Silly Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-kun is suffering from a horrible case of jealousy!" Genma smiled sweetly and patted Iruka's head. "He'll be alright in a few days, after he realizes it's his own fault for jumping at every single person who comes near you." Iruka sighed in exhaustion. Another thing to put on his endless list of worries. Then, he glared up at Genma.

"What?" Genma asked. "You're giving me this awful look."

"How would you know that Kakashi gets possessive?" Genma gave him a grin filled with teeth.

"Lots of experience." he said, then waltzed down the hall to go help the PM with mission reports.

Over the next few days, Kakashi _did_ proceed to alienate everyone from Iruka, even Naruto and Sasuke suffered a scolding when Kakashi came to Iruka's house one night. Kakashi was slowly pushing every one of Iruka's buttons and was centimeters away from the big red one.

Genma and Iruka were leaving the school again chatting, and Kakashi was waiting, glaring, by the front door. Genma stopped Iruka about a yard from Kakashi. Genma raised an eyebrow at Kakashi and stood up slightly straighter, then threw a companionable arm around Iruka. Kakashi's whole body stiffened, like a wave, from his calves to his neck. Genma smirked. He leaned down to whisper something in Iruka's ear.

"Put your arm around my waist." Iruka frowned slightly, and then whispered back.

"Are you crazy? He'll pulverize you."

"Do you want to fix this?" Iruka looked at the angry Kakashi. Then put his arm around Genma's waist and leaned his head on his shoulder. Kakashi's eyes narrowed to slits.

"Let go of him, toothpick"

"In a second Cyclops." Genma kissed Iruka's cheek. "See you tomorrow Iruka-sensei." He turned around and walked down the hall, a jaunty spring in his step. Then Genma whirled around, yanking his toothpick out as he went. He went flying backwards about ten feet into the wall. When the dust cleared, Iruka saw five throwing stars on his slender stick. Genma smirked fearfully. The sixth star was embedded right next to his left ear.

"Kakas-" he stopped. Kakashi wasn't there. Genma brushed himself off and fled to the mission room. Iruka jogged outside, but there was still no Kakashi, only a note.

_Tomorrow. In front of the East gate._

Iruka rubbed his temple.

Those who witnessed it said it was the angriest they had ever seen Kakashi and the most upset they had ever know Iruka to be. Both stormed off to home, but Iruka was detoured by Naruto, who was out looking for Sasuke

"Please Iruka-sensei! I'm afraid his fan club got a hold of him again. Last time they cut off all his hair and he came back with welts on his wrists and ankles! I don't want him to go through that again!"

"What is this particular fan club called?"

"The Dark Prince's Lovers"

So they wandered through the forest until dark and after.

Kakashi spent the night alone in his house crying with misery. _How could I accuse him like that?_ He punched his pillow into a more agreeable shape and sobbed into it some more. He didn't hear the knocking on his door, so the intruder was forced to break it down. Kakashi looked up. It was _Genma_.

"Go away you bastard!" Kakashi shouted. Then began to throw things at Genma.

"Believe me I'd love to. No one wants to deal with Konoha's biggest crybaby."

"Fuck you asshole!" There went a scroll.

"Thanks, but no thanks." He dodged several shruikens.

"What do you want?" Kakashi practically screeched.

"For you to open your eyes. Maybe then you'd realize that Iruka's been kidnapped." Kakashi paused in his onslaught of Genma.

"Kidnapped?"

"Yeah dumbass, kidnapped. By Orochimaru."

**A Last A/N: **Well I did it, and it was **EMBARASSING.** I had to take breaks because I was freaking out so bad. Understand this, _**I am still an innocent!**_ Arg! And yes there will be more on the kidnapping, w/**ANOTHER** lovely scene at the end of the whole fiasco. Hopefully that one will be better. goes outside to repent to the Goddess for doing such bad things


	7. Tourtured, What Happens Next?

**A/N:** Can we shout…dun dun dummmm. Well maybe not. I do feel like doing a serious fic with some Naruto characters after this, but I don't know who to pair off. There's always NaruSasu but that's so over done… I recently fell in love with Neji so maybe a NejiLee? ponders I also wanted to play with Hinata some…and Tenten…and Garaa…and Temari…and Kankuro…and Itachi…arg. So many choices. Recommendations anyone?

**Kakashi:** KakaIru!!

But I already did you…

**Kakashi:** (puppy dog eyes) but you love me bestest right?

(fights) I can't choose!!!!!

**Disclaimer:** Everybody belongs to the one and only, grand, illustrious, wondrous, brilliant, Masashi Kishimoto.

Kidnapped! Who will save us?

Iruka awoke with a throbbing pain in his head. He tried opening his eyes, only to find darkness. He tried again, but still only saw darkness. _Did I go blind?_

"I have a blindfold on you, so you cannot locate a way to escape." Iruka couldn't place the voice.

"Is that you Kakashi? I'm not really in the mood for a game right now." The voice chuckled coldly. Iruka realized how cold he was.

"Kakashi-kun is as far away from you as he can be. You are in the hands of Orochimaru-sama now." Iruka realized he was very cold.

"Orochi-" The voice's hand covered his mouth. It tasted strange, kind of like…

"Do it now." It was another voice. One he knew very well, as did every Konoha shinobi. "Teach him he is not to talk back to you, Kabuto." Kabuto's hand removed itself from Iruka's mouth, only to grasp at the spot between his legs. Gasping, Iruka cried out in pain as Kabuto worked his fingers roughly. Then the other voice, Orochimaru's, reprimanded, "You're doing it to harshly! He'll never respect you that way. Make them want it, make them want you." Kabuto's hand left and was replaced with Orochimaru's. This time it was soft and seductive. The motions of the hand shifted up and down, urging him into an erection. Iruka fought; refused to give in. He heard Orochimaru snicker. "Now this just won't do." The hand stopped moving and Iruka exhaled a sigh of relief. One could only imagine his surprise when something warm and wet wrapped itself around his still erect parts. It was no use, so he gave in.

:"Oro…ch..i..maru…" he moaned. Orochimaru just laughed.

Kakashi kept his eyes open for any sign of where Iruka and Naruto had last been. Sadly, he kept getting interrupted every few minutes.

"KAKASHI! Today you will fall to my grand repertoire of talents! I can beat you at any challenge you dare to name!" Kakashi sighed with irritation.

"How about a race to the sand village?" Gai faltered slightly.

"But that's….over a hundred miles away." Kakashi smirked and cocked one eyebrow.

"Are you saying you can't do it?" Gai stiffened.

"Of course I can! You shall eat my delicious dust of wonder!! And you shall like it and ask for more!" Gai took off in a cloud of dust, and as he said, Kakashi inhaled a good deal of it. Hacking and coughing Kakashi smiled grimly. _That should keep that idiot busy for a while._ The dust had yet to clear and His vision was still limited, yet he was still able to see the sword that glinted in the trees. Shining for only a moment, it vanished into the trees. He debated with himself for a moment on whether or not to get the rest of the ANBU team, but decided to go on his own. There was no time, no waiting. Every moment meant another moment or torture for Iruka and Naruto. Replacing his Yakei into its sheath, he flitted off into the slowly receding sunset.

_Orochimaru…I'm coming_

a Yakei is a type of Katana which, for the idiots who haven't yet figured it out, is a sword. It has a long curved blade (about three and a half feet I think…maybe four) and is mucho fun to chop things up with.


	8. Kakashi To the Rescue!

**A/N:** Gomen nasai. I have no excuse other than laziness. So let's just read and move on with it shall we?

**Disclaimer:** We've been through this. Not mine.

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The Daring Rescue!

It had been three hours now since he'd first seen the silver speck in the woods and had started following it. The pattern since then had consisted of tree, tree, rock, tree, cliff, tree, tree, clearing, tree, tree, tree, spring. Annoyed and bored he flicked his katana back and forth chopping leaves as he jumped through the forest. He was surprised a few minutes later when he passed a tree that was missing leaves. His path was full of trees with no leaves. Knowledge hit him like the tree he ran into the other day. He was going in a circle. _No wonder there were the same amount of trees between each rock, cliff, and clearing._ He stopped jumping and pondered his own incompetence for a moment. _I need to calm down. Thinking about him is only making me distracted. Relax, relax…_ His mind began pulling up an image of the day he bought a schoolgirl outfit for Iruka and gotten him to wear it after much deliberation and persuasion. _DAMNIT!!! Stop that!_ Now he got from before he and Iruka started dating, they had been walking in a forest when Kakashi tripped over a root in the ground and dragged Iruka down on top of him. One thing led to another and…. _ARG! CUT IT OUT!!!! Now is not the time to be having a good time with myself! Iruka's in danger! _

_But…it was such a good day because you taught him how to give bjs! _The other part of his mind argued.

_I'm not arguing that it wasn't, but there are more important things happening right now!_ said the sensible half.

_Nothing is ever more important than porn. _said the pervert.

_Iruka is! He will always be more important._

_Porn._

_Iruka!_

_Porn._

_GODDAMNIT! It's because of Iruka you have such naughty experiences! Now let me go be a hero!_

Having finished his inner pervert battle, he took off again hoping he was headed in the right direction.

Iruka was breathing heavily, having spent the last few hours being tortured (pleasurably tortured) by Orochimaru. He looked up at the monster angrily.

"What do you want with Kakashi and me?" he demanded. Orochimaru's grin stretched as far as it could go.

"I want to know why you two are attracted to each other. Right now he is speeding his way to you in the hopes he can rescue you and his student. When he arrives I shall either confirm or void my hypothesis." He stated rather matter-of-factly.

"But why do you need to know that? What are you planning to do once you know?"

Grinning, Orochimaru said, "So I can make Sasuke-kun fall in love with me."

Iruka froze, or rather stopped wiggling seeing as he was still tied up. "W-what?"

Orochimaru thrust out his chest proudly, "I am the founder and head of the Dark Prince's Lovers, a.k.a., Sasuke-kun's fanclub." Orochimaru's eyes began to sparkle. "Why, I fell in love with him at first sight. The pale skin, the cruel black eyes, the _body_. Now that he's broken up with that blonde haired fox, I thought I had an opportunity. Yet, I was foiled when he took up the bedspace of Itachi-kun." Iruka was unable to believe what he was hearing. "However, after I analyze you two, I will finally know the secret of mens' love and will draw him into my embrace and he shall be mine. I shall call him Saucy, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Saucy."

Iruka fought to keep his expression serious, when Kabuto flashed in.

"Orochimaru-sama, He's about three miles away from the facility. Shall I set up the trap?"

"By all means, yes. The sooner we have him, the sooner Sasuke-kun will be mine. Off you go." Kabuto flashed out.

"Hey, Orochimaru." Orochimaru politely turned. Iruka was smiling at him from the floor. "I think I have a better way for you to get Sasuke to like you." Orochimaru's fingers twitched

"Oh, really? Do share."

"Untie me first and then we can talk."

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Kakashi felt his Iruka sense tingling. He must be getting closer. But something else was registering on his radar or someone else rather. He sensed the body heat about two trees away. Unsheathing his sword he snuck up to the tree, on the opposite side from the body. His sword slid up to grace the man's throat.

"Now, Kakashi-kun, is that anyway to greet a long absent comrade?"

"You're no comrade of mine. Where's Iruka?"

"Come with me."

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"KAKASHI!!"

"Iruka…" Iruka flung himself into his lover's arms Kakashi began a thorough check of Iruka's body, taking in every injury he had obtained since Kakashi had seen him last. "Are you alright? Where's Orochimaru? I'll pound him for doing this to you!" Kakashi raved.

"No, it's alright. You see, Orochimaru and I came to an agreement."

Kakashi tensed and looked at the snake-man standing across the room. "What kind of agreement?"

"He's going to let us go unmarked and unharmed, under one condition."

"Which is?"

"We have to have sex in front of him."

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Haha, a terrible ending. But I need some time to put together a good smex scene. Sumemasen. I also foolishly am starting a GaaNaru fic. That makes...4 active stories? Joy. I had to do this when finals are coming. ...


	9. What To Do?

**A/N:** You'll never see this coming. And this was really stupid i know

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A Lesson In Loving

Kakashi sat uncomfortably on the bed in the white room. Iruka sat next to him, staring at the white wall. Kakashi let his eyes flick in Iruka's direction. Iruka remained firmly still.

"Might I ask why we are supposed to be having intercourse in front of people?" he asked.

"You don't want to know." replied Iruka. "Just be grateful that's _all_ we have to do." Kakashi looked back at his wall.

"Well? Would you two get on with it please?" came a voice from nowhere, making the ninjas jump. "I don't have all day. And the blonde brat is still tied up. I can always torture him to make you start." Both men glared at their respective walls. Then Kakashi reached an arm out to wrap around Iruka's shoulder.

"Ok, fine. Do we need to explain it as we go?"

"Yes please." responded the voice. Kakashi sighed in annoyance. He turned Iruka around so his back was facing him.

"First, if your partner is tense, the best way to get him to relax is a shoulder massage." Kakashi kneaded Iruka's shoulders, and Iruka complied by completely untensing all of his muscles. Kakashi scooted himself closer to Iruka, so his chest was pressing against Iruka's back. "When they are fully relaxed, you start to get closer and make your bodies touch."

"When you think you've gotten close enough, you start to kiss the other person" continued Iruka. Iruka turned slightly, to let his lips touch Kakashi's, and Kakashi picked him up and put him on his lap. "You start….to…get yourselves…gasp as close..as possible." Iruka gasped out between kisses.

"From there, you start kissing other places." said Kakashi. He was smiling now. Iruka panted as Kakashi kissed up and down his neck, his face flushed red. "And you can start undressing" he said, removing Iruka's white robe as he said so.

Kakashi then laid Iruka down on the bed beneath him. Iruka was busy undoing Kakashi's pants. "You place yourselves like so, with one on top the other beneath." gasped Iruka. Kakashi had his wicked smile on. "Then from there…" they both said. "You…"

_CRASH!!!_

"KAKASHI!!! I'VE COME TO SAVE YOU!!!" Kakashi's eyes showed whites all the way around. Iruka tried to lean his head back to see who it was, but Kakashi put one hand over his eyes to spare him the horror.

"Kakashi-sensei! We hurried as fast as we could to rescue you when we heard the news!" In the mess of broken glass that used to be a window stood two green jumpsuited, busy browed, bowl-cutted morons. Gai and Lee both struck the nice guy pose. Then Gai took another look at them.

"What are you two…." Gai frowned and furrowed his brows. Then he grinned. "I know!" He grabbed the front of his leotard, and ripped the whole thing off in one shot. "Let's have and orgy! Lee, you join too, come learn what true youth is all about!" Gai bent his legs, then sprung across the room towards Kakashi. He hit the bed instead of flesh. Looking around he saw Lee, Kakashi and Iruka in Kakashi's arms.

"Umn…Gai-sensei…I think ill stay out of this one…" mumbled Lee.

Kakashi fled off into the woods.

"So, that's what happened. Lee caught up with us ten minutes later and Naruto had escaped in all the confusion before us. I still haven't heard from Gai." Reported Kakashi.

"I see." said the Fifth. "Well, he'll come back soon, no doubt to challenge you to another contest. I doubt Orochimaru can stop him from doing that. Gai should be fine."

"It's not Gai I'm worried about, Hokage-sama." he replied. Tsunade grinned evilly up at him.

"Poor Orochimaru, we'll have to bring him to trial in a bag."

**A/N: **I decided that smut is not my thing, but fluff I can do. Slapstick humor, stupid things, and irony is my forte. I feel sorry for all the people who liked my GaaNaru story and are expecting something from it. Oh, well.


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